People like to talk about themselves…so why don't you let them?
October 30, 2008
1 Comment
This week I found myself having an interesting (and potentially profitable), conversation with a prospective client. He was telling me about his business strengths and challenges and we were exploring how my services might be of benefit to him. The conversation was going very well. I have been working hard to hold back that urge of talking about my products and services and focussing on the client instead.
Do you find that this is harder than it sounds? The urge is strong. Do you interject personal stories and experiences to show that you understand what the person is saying?
You might be asking yourself So, whats wrong with that? Isnt that reflective listening? Well, sort of. But, in my conversation, there was a subtle and importance difference between saying
So, it sounds like what you are saying is that it might be helpful to talk about the different sales models that are available and which would be best for your organisation.
I just finished a similar project for another client where we did a day of sales training for the team followed by a workshop to discuss the best way to implement the changes.
Do you see the difference? The first statement is about him and where he is at in his thought process. The second statement is about me and another company. It has nothing to do with him. And, as it turned out, it wasnt what he felt he needed at all.
I have just been studying Cloningers (1993)* seven factor model of personality. He suggests that of the 7 personality factors (Harm-avoidant, Novelty-seeking, Reward-dependent, Persistent, Self-directedness, Cooperativeness, and Self-transcendence), only the last 3 are a result of learning. The first 4 are biologically determined and represent the way a person is likely to interpret and respond to the world. It is unlikely that in any conversation, I will be talking to someone who interprets the world like I do. More importantly, talking to them from my view of the world is unlikely to bring them to my way of thinking this is the stuff they were born with and nothing I could say will change that. If I want to work effectively with my clients, I have to approach things from their point of view and stop talking about me. Its not about me, its about them. (repeat)
*Cloninger, C.R., Svrakic, D., & Przybeck, T. (1993). A Psychobiological model of temperament and character. Archives of General Psychiatry. 50, 975-990.
Comments
One Response to “People like to talk about themselves…so why don't you let them?”
Feel free to leave a comment...
- Subscribe to our business tidbits to receive practical summaries from the business literature.
Handspring sifts through the trends and journals and brings monthly ideas to your inbox. 
[...] about the other person’s point of view. If you ask the right questions and do a good job of keeping the conversation focused on your acquaintance/interviewer, you will gain a higher understanding of the person’s perspectives and problems. After you [...]