Procrastination – Are you focussing on what you value?
December 9, 2008 by janet · Leave a Comment
“If just thinking about tomorrow’s job pricks the hair on the back of your neck or compels you to do something more trivial, you are probably procrastinating.” That is the definition proposed in this article in Scientific American http://www.sciam.com/subscribe/index.cfm?lsource=friendmail
There are many reasons people procrastinate. Psychologists suggest 4:
1. Avoidance of something we perceive to be unpleasant
2. Indecision over what to do
3. Arousal (thrill of working under pressure)
4. Fear of failure (not leaving enough time provides an excuse for poor performance)
For me, I usually know when my procrastination devil is in the room. I catch myself not doing the one thing I knew I needed to do today. Instead, I go searching for distractions – smh.com, twitter, email, and food are excellent sources of distraction. When that happens, I have to stop and try to figure out what is going on. Psychologist, Timothy A. Pychyl has created a formula to help determine the utility (desirability) of a task:
Utility = (E * V) / (P * D)
Numerators: E = Expectancy to succeed – if I don’t expect to succeed, why would I start at all? V = Value of task – if I don’t value the task or the expected outcome, why would I do it? (more on this below)
Denominators: P = Personal tendency to delay (self control, impulsivity) – how well do I keep my personal derailers in check? D = Delay (time) until reward or punishment
There are lots of tricks for avoiding procrastination around strengthening the denominator – self control, time management, etc. But, here is my challenge to you…What about the Expectancy and Value? If there are lots of tasks on your list that you aren’t excited about, why are they there? Why are you choosing to focus on things that aren’t important to you? According to Pychyl “procrastination is about not having projects in your life that really reflect your goals”. Is this you? If so, what is it that you would get excited about? Maybe it’s time to set some goals around that.
You've ticked all the boxes – then realised it was the wrong checklist!
November 21, 2008 by janet · Leave a Comment
I love stories about people making life transformations. I caught this one in the October edition of Madison Magazine (I know, I know, but I was travelling, it was late, and Id found myself between books). The author, Sarah Wilson, uses the term Thrisis the mid-thirties crisis.
According to Wilson, thrisis is not just an early mid-life crisis because it is about looking forward. It might come when we reach success in our mid-30s and realise that these ambitions we have been chasing were not our own. We stop and re-design a future for ourselves that is about more than a vicious cycle of making money to spend more money.
Sound familiar? It sure does to me.
So, what should you do if you find yourself in this situation? Here are some thingsyou might want to consider:
- Take stock. Take some time to try and understand what parts of your life are and are not working for you, and why. The worst thing would be to throw your life into chaos, only to find that youve created same stuff…different wallpaper – a new situation, but the same old problems are still there.
- Create some thinking time. Taking time for regular reflection might be a skill someone forgot to teach you along the way. If your inner voice has been stifled by work and family obligations for several years, it might take some practise to hear it again.
- Get ready for change. Think about how you feel about change and uncertainty. These times of transition are great opportunities, but they can also be disruptive. Changing one thing can set in motion a number of other changes you hadnt counted on.
Wilson closes her article with a quote from John F. Kennedy The Chinese word for crisis is composed of 2 characters: One represents danger and the other opportunity.
People like to talk about themselves…so why don't you let them?
October 30, 2008 by janet · 1 Comment
This week I found myself having an interesting (and potentially profitable), conversation with a prospective client. He was telling me about his business strengths and challenges and we were exploring how my services might be of benefit to him. The conversation was going very well. I have been working hard to hold back that urge of talking about my products and services and focussing on the client instead.
Do you find that this is harder than it sounds? The urge is strong. Do you interject personal stories and experiences to show that you understand what the person is saying?
You might be asking yourself So, whats wrong with that? Isnt that reflective listening? Well, sort of. But, in my conversation, there was a subtle and importance difference between saying
So, it sounds like what you are saying is that it might be helpful to talk about the different sales models that are available and which would be best for your organisation.
I just finished a similar project for another client where we did a day of sales training for the team followed by a workshop to discuss the best way to implement the changes.
Do you see the difference? The first statement is about him and where he is at in his thought process. The second statement is about me and another company. It has nothing to do with him. And, as it turned out, it wasnt what he felt he needed at all.
I have just been studying Cloningers (1993)* seven factor model of personality. He suggests that of the 7 personality factors (Harm-avoidant, Novelty-seeking, Reward-dependent, Persistent, Self-directedness, Cooperativeness, and Self-transcendence), only the last 3 are a result of learning. The first 4 are biologically determined and represent the way a person is likely to interpret and respond to the world. It is unlikely that in any conversation, I will be talking to someone who interprets the world like I do. More importantly, talking to them from my view of the world is unlikely to bring them to my way of thinking this is the stuff they were born with and nothing I could say will change that. If I want to work effectively with my clients, I have to approach things from their point of view and stop talking about me. Its not about me, its about them. (repeat)
*Cloninger, C.R., Svrakic, D., & Przybeck, T. (1993). A Psychobiological model of temperament and character. Archives of General Psychiatry. 50, 975-990.
Listening
October 9, 2008 by obm · Leave a Comment
How are your listening skills? Until last week, I would have told you that mine are excellent but then I got caught not listening to someone during an important conversation – opps.
Why wasnt I listening? I have been giving that some thought. I dug out the Listening Styles Profile (Watson, Barker, and Weaver*), and took the test.
It turns out that I am an Action-Oriented Listener. I get impatient with speakers who jump all over the place. But thats not good enough in my profession. I need to be able to hear what a speaker is saying, regardless of how he or she is saying it. So, I have some work to do. Want to take the test? Answer the following questions honestly using the scale of:
0 = Never, 1 = Infrequently, 2 = Sometimes, 3 = Frequently, 4 = Always
- I focus my attention on the other persons feelings when I am listening to them
- When listening to others I quickly notice if they are pleased or disappointed
- I become involved when listening to the problems of others
- I nod my head and/or use eye contact to show interest in what others are saying
- I am frustrated when others dont present their ideas in an orderly, efficient way
- When listening to others, I focus on inconstancies and/or errors in what is being said
- I jump ahead and/or finish thoughts of speakers
- I am impatient with people who ramble on during conversations
- I prefer to listen to technical information
- I prefer to hear facts so I can personally evaluate them
- I like the challenge of listening to complex information
- I ask questions to probe for additional information
- When hurried, I let the other person(s) know that I have a limited amount of time to listen
- I begin a discussion by telling others how long I have to meet
- I interrupt others when I feel time pressure
- I look at my watch or clocks in the room when I have limited time to listen to others
What type of listener are you? To find out, add up the scores for each block of 4 questions.
People-Oriented (highest score is questions 1-4): Concern for others feelings and emotions is paramount. Looks for common areas of interest and tries to respond empathetically. Possible downside: spending time trying to win over the listener, rather than actually listening.
Action-Oriented (highest score is questions 5-8): Preference for concise, error-free information. Can be particularly impatient and easily frustrated when listening to a disorganised presentation. Possible downside: checking out of a conversation where the speaker isnt being concise.
Content-Oriented (highest score is questions 9-12): Preference for receiving complex and challenging information. Tend to evaluate facts and details carefully before forming judgments and opinions. Possible downside: ignores the speakers emotional message in pursuit of facts.
Time-Oriented (highest score is questions 13-16): Preference for brief or hurried interactions with others. Tend to let others know how much time they have to listen or meet. Possible downside: people around you not telling you everything because they are worried about time constraints.
Most people have either one or two main styles. What are yours? What impact might they be having on your conversations with your clients, prospects, partner or kids? If you dont think you have the balance right, what do you need to do to make a change?
*Watson, K.W., Barker, L.L. & Weaver, J.B. The Listening Styles Profile (LSP-16): Development and validation of an instrument to assess four listening styles. The international Journal of Listening, Vol. 9. Pp. 1-14.
Are you the sage on the stage or the guide on the side?
September 24, 2008 by obm · Leave a Comment
I just got off the phone with one of my clients. He was complaining about an event he had gone to recently he was expecting it to be a roundtable where the attendees would be discussing common problems and solutions. Instead, it was a product pitch. The host did all the talking, ran over the allotted time, and didn’t leave time for meaningful questions.
My client felt like this host company had missed out on a great opportunity. They had some really interesting people around the table who were keen to learn from each other, yet no one other than the hosts had a chance to speak. The attendees left feeling like they had wasted their time and had been talked at. The hosts left without learning anything new about their customers and prospects.
So, we started speculating why do people do this? Our conclusion: confidence. You can tell when a person really knows her stuff it’s when she doesn’t insist on trying to prove how smart she is. People who are confident in their subject areas don’t mind admitting when they don’t know something. They are curious and reflective.
One of my coaching instructors, Tony Grant, loves to say: be the guide on the side, not the sage on the stage. I say: have enough confidence in yourself learn from others.
Turning Ideas into Action
September 19, 2008 by obm · Leave a Comment
Do you have trouble following through on your great ideas? Yesterday I attended the Flying Solo Live conference and got some new ideas for my business. I especially liked one of the talks on networking (with people, not computers). The speaker gave several keys for successful networking: be the first to arrive at events, stand in a way that invites people into your conversation, have your introduction prepared ahead of time, etc. I thought to myself I’m going to try that. But, will I or will I just fall back into old habits?
There is a key step between idea and action, or what Prochaska and DiClemente (1982) would call the Preparation stage of change. In preparation, I might be ready to make a change to my behaviour, but I am unclear about my plans or commitment. In other words, I haven’t thought about the steps I need to take.
- What specifically am I going to do differently?
- When is my next opportunity to practise?
- What is the first thing I need to do?
Ok, I hadn’t really thought about all of that. So, here it is:
On Saturday, I am going to a training session that starts at 9:00. I am going to arrive before 8:45. On the way there, I am going to rehearse how I will explain my business. Having that rehearsed will mean that my attention is totally focussed on the people I meet.
Spending more time in preparation is like a stepping stone your pathway between contemplation and action.
Get Out of Your Own Way
September 14, 2008 by obm · Leave a Comment
Do you ever catch yourself behaving in a way you don’t quite understand? The other day I caught myself surfing the internet, when I had really sat down at my computer to complete a specific task. What happened?
Sometimes patterns of behaviour reside just below our consciousness. To understand them, we need to stop and analyse why we are doing or not doing something. Next time it happens to you, try this simple exercise to see if you can tie your behaviour (ie surfing the net instead of working toward a deadline) back to a dysfunctional belief.
Aaron Beck and Albert Ellis introduced the concept of dysfunctional beliefs and established a connection between thoughts and feelings. Ellis in particular used a model of ABC where:
A is the actual event, B is the belief about the event, and C is the consequence : the emotion or behaviour that results.
The easiest application for me to remember (thanks to the scholar Peltier) is to imagine your behaviour in terms of a simple Kantian poem:
I see tiger (event)
I think I am in danger (belief)
I feel fear (emotional consequence)
I run (behavioural consequence)
The belief that I am in danger from the tiger causes me to run, and is probably a useful response. But what if I have neglected to notice that the tiger is actually behind bars? Then, my belief that I am in danger is no longer accurate and my fear and running responses are no longer useful.
When you catch yourself in a behaviour that you dont quite understand, try tracing it back using the 4 steps of the tiger poem. For example, here is what I learned about my own behaviour:
The task on my todo list is something I have never done before
I think I don’t know what I am doing
I feel fear of failure
I surf the net to avoid doing it
Once I identified my dysfunctional belief (ie I don’t know what I am doing), I was able to practise a more useful pattern:
I see the unfamiliar task
I think about other experiences that will be helpful to me
I feel excited to try
I do my task and learn something new
Next time this happens to you, see if you can trace your behaviour to an unhelpful pattern of thinking and then replace it with something more useful. It’s an easy trick for getting out of your own way!
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