Change one thing at a time
January 21, 2009 by janet · Leave a Comment
We are over half way through the month. How’s it going? Have you committed to some resolutions? Are they sticking or slipping? Mine are slipping a bit, and I think I know why…
There is a fun and fascinating area of research around self-control that I ignored when I set my goals.
“Just as a muscle gets tired from exertion, acts of self-control cause short-term impairments in subsequent self-control, even in unrelated tasks.” (Baumeister, Vohs, & Tice)*
What does that mean? Well, basically it means that changing multiple behaviours at once will ‘wear out’ our self control muscle, just like over-exertion of physical muscles can temporarily deplete our physical strength. So, if we enter January with too many goals, we may not have the strength to sustain multiple new behaviours at once.
I have so much I want to achieve this year, I have trouble being patient – I want to start on everything now!
The solution? I have to choose one thing to do at a time. Once I have ’strengthened’ my self control around 1 behaviour and made it stick, the next one will be easier and faster.
So, if you find that you or your co-workers are already losing site of some of your goals, stop and evaluate if you are asking yourselves to do too much at once. It’s hard to choose, but you have a whole year. You don’t have to do everything at once (I can’t believe I just said that).
*Baumeister, R.F., Vohs, K.D., & Tice, D.M. (2007). The strength model of self-control. Current Directions in Psychological Science, 16(6). 351-355.
Practical and simple advice for setting goals
December 15, 2008 by janet · 1 Comment
You could fill a book store with advice about goal setting. Yet, this recent blog post by Kate Tribe, founder of Tribe Research, is powerful in its simplicity…
http://www.knowyourtribe.com.au/3plus-3minus-guide/
Kate calls her test the “3 plus/3 minus rule”:
- What 3 things are frustrating you the most?
- What 3 things do you most enjoy?
- What actions can you take to minimise or remove the 3 in (1)?
- What actions can you take to increase the 3 in (2)?
Items 3 and 4 are your goals.
But it might not be as simple as it first appears. if you are having trouble answering questions 1 and 2, you might want to try some ’sitting under a tree time’. Rushing between meetings and deadlines is a great way to kill self awareness and stunt personal growth. It doesn’t matter how busy or important you are…a daily exercise of understanding what is causing you frustration and making you happy is probably the best gift you can give to yourself. Why wait for New Year’s Day?
You've ticked all the boxes – then realised it was the wrong checklist!
November 21, 2008 by janet · Leave a Comment
I love stories about people making life transformations. I caught this one in the October edition of Madison Magazine (I know, I know, but I was travelling, it was late, and Id found myself between books). The author, Sarah Wilson, uses the term Thrisis the mid-thirties crisis.
According to Wilson, thrisis is not just an early mid-life crisis because it is about looking forward. It might come when we reach success in our mid-30s and realise that these ambitions we have been chasing were not our own. We stop and re-design a future for ourselves that is about more than a vicious cycle of making money to spend more money.
Sound familiar? It sure does to me.
So, what should you do if you find yourself in this situation? Here are some thingsyou might want to consider:
- Take stock. Take some time to try and understand what parts of your life are and are not working for you, and why. The worst thing would be to throw your life into chaos, only to find that youve created same stuff…different wallpaper – a new situation, but the same old problems are still there.
- Create some thinking time. Taking time for regular reflection might be a skill someone forgot to teach you along the way. If your inner voice has been stifled by work and family obligations for several years, it might take some practise to hear it again.
- Get ready for change. Think about how you feel about change and uncertainty. These times of transition are great opportunities, but they can also be disruptive. Changing one thing can set in motion a number of other changes you hadnt counted on.
Wilson closes her article with a quote from John F. Kennedy The Chinese word for crisis is composed of 2 characters: One represents danger and the other opportunity.
Good people provide value regardless of the state of the economy"
October 15, 2008 by janet · Leave a Comment
That is what my friend and former colleague, Dave Antila, said when I asked him what he thought of the state of the markets. Dave is no economist. He is a computer programmer (now consultant) and, I suppose, part time philosopher.
Are you worried about the impact the economy will have on your business or your life? What are you doing about it? Reflective thinking is an important trait for anyone time to think about where you are and where you want to be and plan for things so they dont sneak up when you least expect them. But, coaching research has proven that reflection that doesnt lead to insight and action is actually counter-productive and can increase anxiety and depression. In other words, dont confuse reflection with rumination. Change your focus.
If you had more time to focus on your business or your career, what would you be doing? New products? New markets? New skills? New ways to connect to people and customers? Maybe now is the time to think about the strategic stuff.
Why is change so darn hard …
October 3, 2008 by obm · Leave a Comment
I just saw this great representation of personal change in Peter Webbs latest newsletter (www.intentional.com.au).
I think we forget that making a change is so much more complicated than just making a decision to change, committing to it, and doing it. New behaviours involve letting go of old behaviours and the identity that goes with them.
In preparation for going to the US for Christmas this year, I have been trying to lose a bit of weight. I selected made a plan, changed my behaviours around food and drink, stepped up the exercise, and started a log. After week 2, the scale showed almost no change yet, the behaviours I have changed are significant and I expected to see a reward. Now I have to fight the urge of slipping back to X the up for anything as long as it involves food and wine girl. She is familiar, comfortable, and acceptable, both to me and the people around me. I have to remind myself that this change is about much more than weight loss it has to do with my identify and the things I love to do. If I want my plan to stick, I have to address that stuff, too.
Here is Peters article:
Bob Kegan, Professor of Adult Learning and Professional Development at Harvard University and Co-Director for the Change Leadership Group, suggests any intentional shift from our old identity (X) to a new identity (Y) takes 6 steps:
- X is the old way of being – familiar, comfortable, acceptable.
- But then we get a sense that theres something else out there for me, even if we dont quite know what that is yet. This step is represented as X(y).
- As we develop a clearer sense of what we want (Y) we begin to feel anxious about what were leaving behind (X). What if I cant do it? What if its not real? This is represented as X/Y.
- Then we get excited about the change. I wish I could be more (Y). Yet theres still a fear of loss of the old way of being. This step is represented as Y/X.
- The next step is a deliberate declaration of the new identity represented as Y(x). We avoid people we used to associate with at X. We become resistant to criticism. I love it here and I wont be pulled back! Yet theres still baggage from the previous identity (x).
- Finally, at Y we fully embrace the new sense of self. This is a new life – a second chance!
Of course were more likely to stumble towards change than make these transitions with any kind of seamless grace – two steps forward, one step backwards! And BIG changes can takes months and years.
And even then progressive change is not guaranteed. We can just as easily slip back to the old way of being. Yet Kegan says these big shifts in life are part of our adult development. Life is pain Princess. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something!
Turning Ideas into Action
September 19, 2008 by obm · Leave a Comment
Do you have trouble following through on your great ideas? Yesterday I attended the Flying Solo Live conference and got some new ideas for my business. I especially liked one of the talks on networking (with people, not computers). The speaker gave several keys for successful networking: be the first to arrive at events, stand in a way that invites people into your conversation, have your introduction prepared ahead of time, etc. I thought to myself I’m going to try that. But, will I or will I just fall back into old habits?
There is a key step between idea and action, or what Prochaska and DiClemente (1982) would call the Preparation stage of change. In preparation, I might be ready to make a change to my behaviour, but I am unclear about my plans or commitment. In other words, I haven’t thought about the steps I need to take.
- What specifically am I going to do differently?
- When is my next opportunity to practise?
- What is the first thing I need to do?
Ok, I hadn’t really thought about all of that. So, here it is:
On Saturday, I am going to a training session that starts at 9:00. I am going to arrive before 8:45. On the way there, I am going to rehearse how I will explain my business. Having that rehearsed will mean that my attention is totally focussed on the people I meet.
Spending more time in preparation is like a stepping stone your pathway between contemplation and action.
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