Working with conflict…when it’s time to stir the pot

February 15, 2011 by janet · Leave a Comment 

gostopNegativity, protectionism, and defensiveness – all barriers to organisational change, right?  Or are they?

Those ‘heated’ moments and conversations in our work (and personal) lives are often the places we avoid.  As managers, we ignore them, or change the topic, or take it ‘off line’.  But the reality is that these territories are rich with information.   They tell you that you have just hit a nerve…that you have found a source of energy.  In other words, you have uncovered something that people really care about.

The problem, of course, with all of this caring, is that it can also come with disagreements, political game-playing and frustration.   These are the places where organisations fall into the same old stories of ‘we’ve tried that before’ or ‘that never works’ or ‘they always stuff that up’.  To turn this negativity into something more useful, people often need some help in approaching it differently.  Here are some things you can try:

  1. Find a common goal – People might disagree with what has just been suggested, but what can they agree on?  If everyone can agree that this is an important issue, you have made an important first step.  You agree on something.
  2. Ask permission to pursue it – Before you drag people into an uncomfortable conversation, it is useful to remind them that they are in control.  Will they agree to stay with this topic for a while?  Simply observing out loud that this seems to be an area people care about and then asking permission to pursue it will help people relax.
  3. Don’t rush to solutions – Sometimes just agreeing on the problem is enough.  There is nothing wrong with ending the meeting by saying “it sounds like we have agreed that x is a problem and we would like it to look more like y – let’s leave it there for now and we can talk about that more next time.”  This agreement alone may be enough to clear the path for a solution.  People have an amazing ability to solve their own problems.  They might leave the meeting and have some side conversations or come back to the next meeting with a suggestion.  I have seen it happen countless times.
  4. Build some skills in your team to help them solve these things on their own.  Listening skills, critical conversations, and parallel thinking, are organisational skills that will enable people to solve their own problems.  Maybe it’s time to invest in some training here?

So, the next time you are faced with negativity or disagreement in a group, don’t avoid it…explore it.  It is fertile ground for successful change.  And, if they aren’t disagreeing…well, maybe it’s time to stir the pot?

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