People like to talk about themselves…so why don't you let them?
October 30, 2008 by janet · 1 Comment
This week I found myself having an interesting (and potentially profitable), conversation with a prospective client. He was telling me about his business strengths and challenges and we were exploring how my services might be of benefit to him. The conversation was going very well. I have been working hard to hold back that urge of talking about my products and services and focussing on the client instead.
Do you find that this is harder than it sounds? The urge is strong. Do you interject personal stories and experiences to show that you understand what the person is saying?
You might be asking yourself So, whats wrong with that? Isnt that reflective listening? Well, sort of. But, in my conversation, there was a subtle and importance difference between saying
So, it sounds like what you are saying is that it might be helpful to talk about the different sales models that are available and which would be best for your organisation.
I just finished a similar project for another client where we did a day of sales training for the team followed by a workshop to discuss the best way to implement the changes.
Do you see the difference? The first statement is about him and where he is at in his thought process. The second statement is about me and another company. It has nothing to do with him. And, as it turned out, it wasnt what he felt he needed at all.
I have just been studying Cloningers (1993)* seven factor model of personality. He suggests that of the 7 personality factors (Harm-avoidant, Novelty-seeking, Reward-dependent, Persistent, Self-directedness, Cooperativeness, and Self-transcendence), only the last 3 are a result of learning. The first 4 are biologically determined and represent the way a person is likely to interpret and respond to the world. It is unlikely that in any conversation, I will be talking to someone who interprets the world like I do. More importantly, talking to them from my view of the world is unlikely to bring them to my way of thinking this is the stuff they were born with and nothing I could say will change that. If I want to work effectively with my clients, I have to approach things from their point of view and stop talking about me. Its not about me, its about them. (repeat)
*Cloninger, C.R., Svrakic, D., & Przybeck, T. (1993). A Psychobiological model of temperament and character. Archives of General Psychiatry. 50, 975-990.
Good people provide value regardless of the state of the economy"
October 15, 2008 by janet · Leave a Comment
That is what my friend and former colleague, Dave Antila, said when I asked him what he thought of the state of the markets. Dave is no economist. He is a computer programmer (now consultant) and, I suppose, part time philosopher.
Are you worried about the impact the economy will have on your business or your life? What are you doing about it? Reflective thinking is an important trait for anyone time to think about where you are and where you want to be and plan for things so they dont sneak up when you least expect them. But, coaching research has proven that reflection that doesnt lead to insight and action is actually counter-productive and can increase anxiety and depression. In other words, dont confuse reflection with rumination. Change your focus.
If you had more time to focus on your business or your career, what would you be doing? New products? New markets? New skills? New ways to connect to people and customers? Maybe now is the time to think about the strategic stuff.
Listening
October 9, 2008 by obm · Leave a Comment
How are your listening skills? Until last week, I would have told you that mine are excellent but then I got caught not listening to someone during an important conversation – opps.
Why wasnt I listening? I have been giving that some thought. I dug out the Listening Styles Profile (Watson, Barker, and Weaver*), and took the test.
It turns out that I am an Action-Oriented Listener. I get impatient with speakers who jump all over the place. But thats not good enough in my profession. I need to be able to hear what a speaker is saying, regardless of how he or she is saying it. So, I have some work to do. Want to take the test? Answer the following questions honestly using the scale of:
0 = Never, 1 = Infrequently, 2 = Sometimes, 3 = Frequently, 4 = Always
- I focus my attention on the other persons feelings when I am listening to them
- When listening to others I quickly notice if they are pleased or disappointed
- I become involved when listening to the problems of others
- I nod my head and/or use eye contact to show interest in what others are saying
- I am frustrated when others dont present their ideas in an orderly, efficient way
- When listening to others, I focus on inconstancies and/or errors in what is being said
- I jump ahead and/or finish thoughts of speakers
- I am impatient with people who ramble on during conversations
- I prefer to listen to technical information
- I prefer to hear facts so I can personally evaluate them
- I like the challenge of listening to complex information
- I ask questions to probe for additional information
- When hurried, I let the other person(s) know that I have a limited amount of time to listen
- I begin a discussion by telling others how long I have to meet
- I interrupt others when I feel time pressure
- I look at my watch or clocks in the room when I have limited time to listen to others
What type of listener are you? To find out, add up the scores for each block of 4 questions.
People-Oriented (highest score is questions 1-4): Concern for others feelings and emotions is paramount. Looks for common areas of interest and tries to respond empathetically. Possible downside: spending time trying to win over the listener, rather than actually listening.
Action-Oriented (highest score is questions 5-8): Preference for concise, error-free information. Can be particularly impatient and easily frustrated when listening to a disorganised presentation. Possible downside: checking out of a conversation where the speaker isnt being concise.
Content-Oriented (highest score is questions 9-12): Preference for receiving complex and challenging information. Tend to evaluate facts and details carefully before forming judgments and opinions. Possible downside: ignores the speakers emotional message in pursuit of facts.
Time-Oriented (highest score is questions 13-16): Preference for brief or hurried interactions with others. Tend to let others know how much time they have to listen or meet. Possible downside: people around you not telling you everything because they are worried about time constraints.
Most people have either one or two main styles. What are yours? What impact might they be having on your conversations with your clients, prospects, partner or kids? If you dont think you have the balance right, what do you need to do to make a change?
*Watson, K.W., Barker, L.L. & Weaver, J.B. The Listening Styles Profile (LSP-16): Development and validation of an instrument to assess four listening styles. The international Journal of Listening, Vol. 9. Pp. 1-14.
Why is change so darn hard …
October 3, 2008 by obm · Leave a Comment
I just saw this great representation of personal change in Peter Webbs latest newsletter (www.intentional.com.au).
I think we forget that making a change is so much more complicated than just making a decision to change, committing to it, and doing it. New behaviours involve letting go of old behaviours and the identity that goes with them.
In preparation for going to the US for Christmas this year, I have been trying to lose a bit of weight. I selected made a plan, changed my behaviours around food and drink, stepped up the exercise, and started a log. After week 2, the scale showed almost no change yet, the behaviours I have changed are significant and I expected to see a reward. Now I have to fight the urge of slipping back to X the up for anything as long as it involves food and wine girl. She is familiar, comfortable, and acceptable, both to me and the people around me. I have to remind myself that this change is about much more than weight loss it has to do with my identify and the things I love to do. If I want my plan to stick, I have to address that stuff, too.
Here is Peters article:
Bob Kegan, Professor of Adult Learning and Professional Development at Harvard University and Co-Director for the Change Leadership Group, suggests any intentional shift from our old identity (X) to a new identity (Y) takes 6 steps:
- X is the old way of being – familiar, comfortable, acceptable.
- But then we get a sense that theres something else out there for me, even if we dont quite know what that is yet. This step is represented as X(y).
- As we develop a clearer sense of what we want (Y) we begin to feel anxious about what were leaving behind (X). What if I cant do it? What if its not real? This is represented as X/Y.
- Then we get excited about the change. I wish I could be more (Y). Yet theres still a fear of loss of the old way of being. This step is represented as Y/X.
- The next step is a deliberate declaration of the new identity represented as Y(x). We avoid people we used to associate with at X. We become resistant to criticism. I love it here and I wont be pulled back! Yet theres still baggage from the previous identity (x).
- Finally, at Y we fully embrace the new sense of self. This is a new life – a second chance!
Of course were more likely to stumble towards change than make these transitions with any kind of seamless grace – two steps forward, one step backwards! And BIG changes can takes months and years.
And even then progressive change is not guaranteed. We can just as easily slip back to the old way of being. Yet Kegan says these big shifts in life are part of our adult development. Life is pain Princess. Anyone who tells you otherwise is trying to sell you something!
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